Choices
by grangertash
Summary: Freddie worries that maybe the barriers are locked too tight. He hopes he can find the key, eventually. Seddie


Freddie thinks Carly has known all along. It's the way she looks at him sometimes. When he's in the middle of an intense argument with Sam over something ridiculously minor, he'll catch Carly's gaze out of the corner of his eye. She'll have an irritating all- knowing smirk plastered on her face and Freddie almost finds himself annoyed with her- almost- then he remembers he's supposed to love her.

"Do you have to chew so loudly, Sam?" He asks although she wasn't chewing loudly at all.

In response, Sam throws a piece of ham at his face. He calls her 'a rude pig' and she punches him in the arm. They bicker for fifteen minutes before Sam gets distracted by an episode of Girly Cow and forgets they were even arguing at all.

When Sam leaves Freddie groans and complains how much he can't stand her. Carly is just sitting eating her fruit-on-a-stick with that damn smirk on her face. Freddie tries desperately not to make eye contact but he knows exactly what she's thinking.

"What are you smirking at?" He asks.

Carly just laughs.

* * *

He isn't a drinker, most especially not some concoction of alcohol created from cheap beer and stolen wine. But he feels awkward and out of place at this lame party that he thinks one glass couldn't make things go any worse. Freddie doesn't even know why he agreed to come. Or he's denying that he knows fine well why he came.

Sam had been talking about the party for weeks. She had been fawning over some guy called Tim. Every time she spoke of him her face would light up in a way that is usually reserved for when she catches sight of a fridge full of meat and fat cakes. Her plan was to seduce him on the night of his best mates house party. She hadn't even asked him to come tonight. For some reason, Freddie just had a horrible feeling at the thought of letting her go alone.

He steps outside and scans the grass, sees that it's surprisingly empty. He smirks a little to himself, proud that he'd actually managed to find a quiet place at a house party. Then he sees it: A patch of blond hair sitting at the bottom of the stairs that led to the lawn. He doesn't even think before he finds himself walking over to sit beside her.

There's an awkward silence and Sam won't even look at him. He nudges her and offers some of his alcohol that he had successfully managed to take two sips from. She looks at him with her eye brows raised before laughing.

"Dork, since when do you drink?" She asks and Freddie's glad to feel the awkwardness disappear.

"I don't," He shrugs because he can't think of anything better to say.

"You know, you look ridiculous in that outfit. Can you never at least try to be cool?" She remarks referring to his shirt and tie.

"I'll have you know. My Mom said it was the perfect look for my first big boy house party," Freddie jokes and he's glad he made her laugh; even if it was at his expense.

They lapse into a comfortable silence.

"Tim's upstairs making out with some plastic chick with big boobs," She says so casually that Freddie is slightly taken aback. He looks up and for the first time he sees that maybe Sam is a little hurt.

"He doesn't know what he's missing," He tells her meaning every word despite how cliché a response it was.

Sam rolls her eyes and hits him lightly on the shoulder. They sit in silence again and Freddie can't help but notice how venerable Sam looks sitting with her arms wrapped around her chest. Freddie used to think you could either be a soft or hard person. Now, Freddie wonders if one person can be both at the same time.

"Either give me your jacket or I'm going to forcefully take it from you, Dork. It's freaking freezing out here!"

Then again, maybe not.

* * *

Freddie notices that Sam has a very pretty smile.

"You have a pretty smile," He blurts out sometime during their iCarly rehearsal and is horrified when he realises he has said it out loud.

Carly is smirking and giggling. Sam is blushing and doesn't make eye contact with him for three days.

* * *

"Sam, she isn't always so...rude. Is she, Freddie?" His Mom asks him before she turns out his lights at exactly 11 o' clock.

"What?"

"Sam. I was wondering...she's your friend. Isn't she?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Hmm."

Freddie wonders why Mrs. Benson asked.

"Sam!"

"What are you screaming about now, Fredwina?"

"You stole the space bar from my laptop!"

"I did not!"

"You did!"

"Prove it!"

"Sam, just give me the space bar!"

"No."

"Sam," Carly said. "Give Freddie his space bar. His words will be all close together otherwise."

"Fine."

Sometimes Freddie thinks it's all one big game to her.

* * *

Freddie hates to admit it but the 'Wake up Spencer' segment on iCarly is the highlight of his month. Growing up as a child who never breaks the rules there is something amazing about sneaking out of his room at 3 in the morning. It's a Friday night and with Sam he had managed to once again successfully wake Spencer into shouting hilarious random comments.

"I have to admit, making him sing 'Party in the USA' in an Indian accent was true genius," He laughed.

"Well, you should expect nothing less from a true genius like me, Dork," She said with a silly grin.

They sit on Carly's sofa because for some reason they don't want to go to bed. Freddie notes how easy it is to talk to Sam, even if she is commenting on how he 'should really get a life.' He tries not to notice how low cut her pyjamas are instead teases her about the Girly Cow pattern on them. She kicks him in the shin and he doesn't mention it again. They watch some late night wrestling show that Sam loves and Freddie tries not to show that he cringes every time someone gets hit. She notices and laughs cruelly. When she falls asleep Freddie stares for far too long before deciding he had much more fun when she was awake.

He wakes next to a sleeping Sam the next morning and smiles as she snores lightly. Carly is in the kitchen pouring cereal and she is giving him that annoying all- knowing smirk again.

"You know, you should just tell her," She says.

Freddie grimaces but doesn't say anything. He doesn't even know what to tell himself, never mind Sam.

* * *

Freddie thinks she's a bit of a lunatic.

When he watches her hang Gibby upside down by his underwear with only the sheer strength of her right arm. When she punches Frank Smith in the eye because he said iCarly was boring. When she eats a whole ham in fifteen minutes. When she goes out of her way to torture him. When she doesn't study for a test that counts for half of her final grade.

The again, Freddie thinks that maybe he's the lunatic, for falling for her.

* * *

He almost tells her four times.

The first time he asks her if he could 'speak with her privately' and she snorts and says ' I'm not going anywhere alone with you.' Then Freddie gets nervous and doesn't ask again.

The second time they're alone and she's laughing so he leans in to kiss her. He freaks out at the last second and pretends he was checking her nose for boogers. She punches him in the arm.

The third time he could have sworn she was flirting with him the whole night. He walks over to ask her to dance when he sees her giggling with some guy. Giving up, he turns around and ignores her as she calls him over to join them.

On the fourth attempt he manages to string out the sentence "IlikeyouSam" so fast she doesn't hear him. She tells him to 'speak properly or don't speak at all.' Freddie doesn't speak at all; he wonders if he's imagining her looking disappointed.

* * *

Sometimes Freddie will catch her eye. Thinks that maybe she's staring at him. Then thinks again when she tells him to 'get a personality!"

* * *

"Are you that much of an idiot?" Sam asks him and he wonders why he liked her in the first place.

They're walking down the hallway, she stops and pushes Freddie against the wall. Rises on her tippy toes and kisses him lightly before leaning back just enough so they are inches apart. "Don't make a big deal over it, Dork," She whispers.

Freddie's eyes are half closed, focusing only on Sam's lips. "Umm-hmm," He murmurs.

She scowls and rolls her eyes and they kiss again. So long and sweet and Freddie remembers all over again, why he liked her in the first place.

* * *

The next day she doesn't say say anything. She carries on as if nothing has ever happened. Freddie is uncomfortable and doesn't know what to do or say. He isn't sure how to tell her he doesn't want to forget.

They finish filming and Carly leaves the room to get some juice. It's silent and awkward as Sam makes her way over to Freddie.

"You're taking me out for dinner tonight. Just thought you should know, Fredwina," She states with a smirk and a wink.

Freddie can't help but grin in response.

* * *

Freddie wonders if she's ever going to hold his hand. Wonders if he's ever going to be able to crack the barrier that Sam surrounds herself with. He loves spending time with her, he loves going on their 'dates' and he even loves all the flirty arguments they have taken to purposely creating. It's just that sometimes Freddie wants to wrap his hands around her waist, wants to kiss her in public, want to be able to call her his girlfriend without being punched.

Freddie worries that maybe the barriers are locked too tight. He hopes he can find the key, eventually.

* * *

It's been a few months since they started dating. It's a Saturday night and Freddie is sitting with Sam on his balcony, somewhere they had taken to hanging out. They are both sitting on the window ledge, staring out into the night.

"Do you think your Mom knows about us?" Sam asks, breaking the silence.

Freddie shrugs, "Why do you ask?"

She's quiet for a moment and there's that look on her face that Freddie recognises. That contemplative, reluctant, broken look. "You should tell her," She whispers.

Freddie snorts. "Why would I do that?"

"She may be a fruit bat but your Mom loves you," She says helplessly.

"Your Mom loves you, too," Freddie tells her because he thinks it's the right thing to say.

"Parents fuck you up, Freddie. They try their damnedest not to but they always do," She says releasing a shaky breath, tears surfacing on her face.

Freddie automatically pulls her waist closer to him and holds her tightly as she sobs against him. She rests her head in his shoulder and Freddie doesn't let go. He presses a kiss to the top of her head, smoothes back her hair, he doesn't say anything. He doesn't ask questions because he knows Sam wouldn't want to answer them.

"You tell anyone about this, I'll kick your ass," She mumbles against his shirt.

Freddie chuckles and thinks the barriers may have just been broken down.

* * *

He stares at the two letters in front of him. Each hold the doorway to his future. The decision he makes concerning these letters could change his life completely. One is an acceptance letter to Harvard and the other is an acceptance letter to the University of California.

Freddie knows the decision should be easy; he's dreamt of going to Harvard for years.

There's only one problem. Sam had been invited on a year long work experience in some film studio in California. Suddenly, Freddie was finding the idea of going to Harvard less appealing.

* * *

He doesn't tell her about the acceptance letters.

* * *

Freddie asks her what's going to happen when they finish school in a few months.

Sam leans in to kiss him and runs her tongue against his bottom lip. He suddenly forgets all about the future; he thinks that was Sam's intention.

* * *

Freddie thinks they're like peanut butter and jelly. Strangely enough. Two ingredients that would at first seem like they would be a disastrous together but in the end are the perfect combination. Sam is the tough, bitter peanut butter whereas Freddie is the sweet, warm jelly. Alone, they aren't quite right but together they seem to bring out the best in one another.

"Sam," he says, when they're chilling at Carly's one afternoon, and Sam has her head rested against Freddie's shoulder because Carly has gone out and no one can see them. "Do you think we're like peanut butter and jelly?"

Sam gives him a weird look. "Don't know," She responds. She moves herself closer to Freddie's embrace and for the first time he feels like they're a real couple. "Do you think Carly has any peanut butter in the kitchen?"

He chuckles despite himself as he watches her run to the fridge.

* * *

Sometimes he calls Sam for no reason. He'll say 'hi' and Sam will say 'what' and Freddie will respond 'just want to hear your voice' and Sam will call him horrible names but she'll be smiling and Freddie will hear it, even over the phone.

* * *

One night she's being particularly cruel to him, as if they were 13 years old again.

"What have I done Sam," He asks her when he can't take anymore of her snide remarks.

She scowls at him and says, "Why didn't you tell me you had been accepted into Harvard?"

Freddie swallows, "How did you find out?"

"Your Mother told me," She says bitterly.

"Look," He begins. "I didn't tell you because I haven't made up my mind yet and..."

"Haven't made up your mind!" She repeats. "You've been talking about Harvard for years!"

"I've been accepted somewhere else too."

"Where?"

Freddie smiles, "California, I could be with you."

She pauses.

"What do you think?" Freddie asks hopefully.

"You're not giving up Harvard for me, Dork. I'm not worth that."

"Of course your worth it," Freddie says meaning every word.

"Look, Dork," Sam tells him rather aggressively. "The truth is, I don't want to coming to cramp my style. You know, a new start and all."

Freddie doesn't reply and although he knows she doesn't mean it, he's still a little hurt.

* * *

The next day Freddie meets her at school and leans in for a good morning kiss. She slaps him.

"Leave me alone, Freddie."

He tries to talk to her three more times. She doesn't even acknowledge him. He decides if she's not going to talk to him, he won't talk to her.

* * *

They don't talk for 3 days. Freddie thinks it's immature and ridiculous but can't bring himself to be the first to break the silence.

"Freddie dear, have you accepted Harvard yet?" His Mom asks him one afternoon.

"No," He says but doesn't explain.

"Why not? You've been talking about going for years."

Freddie sighs and fights back the urge to shout that there's more important things than school.

* * *

They meet in the hallway.

He nods.

She nods back.

They go their separate ways and Freddie wonders why he doesn't just grab her and kiss her. He thinks it's because they're Sam and Freddie and they never back down from a fight.

* * *

"Will you stop being so darn stubborn!" Carly tells him rather aggressively.

"She's the one who said she wanted 'a new start'!" Freddie argues.

Carly sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. "You know as well as I do that she's just scared. She misses you. She keeps going on and on about how you're going to give up everything for her. How she isn't worth it. You have to do something, Freddie."

Freddie shakes his head but he knows she's right.

* * *

He knocks the door of her apartment and prays her Mom isn't in. Luckily, Sam opens the door.

She rolls here eyes and Freddie almost laughs because he's missed it. "What do you want?"

"To talk," Freddie says.

"So talk!" Sam spits in her typical sarcastic manner.

"I've missed you," He tells her softly because it's the only thing he can think of to say.

Sam scoffs, "Whatever."

"Come on, you can't tell me you haven't missed me too!"

She shakes her head, a smirk forming on her face. "I can safely say, I have not missed you, Fredwina," She states as if it were fact.

"You have," Freddie argues, feeling a strange rush of adrenaline to be bickering with Sam again.

"Have not!" she bits back..

"Have!"

"Have not!"

"Have!"

"Have not!"

"Have!"

"How do I know that if you choose California so you can be with me, you won't hate me for it later. How can you give up everything for us? How do you know we're worth it?"

It is completely unexpected that Freddie has to take a moment to comprehend it. Sam has whispered it in such a venerable tone that Freddie could have sworn he heard her voice crack. He could see in her eyes that she was indeed scared; scared that she wasn't good enough for him. Freddie thinks it's ridiculous but he doesn't know how to prove to her that she is worth everything to him.

For once, Freddie acts on instinct and instead of responding he grabs her and presses his lips against hers. She wraps her hands around his neck and moves her lips to fit his. Sam moans softly into Freddie's mouth and he finds himself shivering against her tongue. He realises he's been missing her more than he thought, he thinks that he never wants to go another day without this. He kisses her as passionately as he can, trying desperately to express his feeling, to prove she's worth it. Sam pulls him through the door, not letting their lips lose contact for a second. In true Sam manner she pushes him onto the sofa and climbs on top of him.

He thinks for a second that maybe things are going too fast, maybe they aren't. He knows this logically isn't the moment, they haven't even resolved their 'fight', they haven't been speaking for days. Freddie wonders if it is wrong, why does it feel so right.

Then Sam starts unbuckling his belt and he doesn't wonder again.

* * *

It's reckless and too soon but Freddie doesn't care. Sam is snuggled close to him, snoring softly and he thinks it's the best decision he's ever made. He hopes that maybe she'll know now, that they are worth it. He hopes that she'll let him give up Harvard for her. Because Freddie thinks there's no way he's living in another state from her. Not a chance in hell.

Freddie wakes alone and has a horrible thought that Sam has freaked out and ran away. Then he finds a note written in her scribbled handwriting sitting on the coffee table.

_Hey Dork,_

_Gone to get some bacon, it feels like a good day for bacon. _

_You better make sure there's plenty of bacon in the mornings from now on. You know, when I sneak into your dorm room. _

_Peace out, _

_Sam. _

He chuckles because making him read between the lines is her thing. Freddie guesses that with Sam, this is the best he was going to get, and he couldn't be happier.

* * *

When he gets home he immediately accepts the invite to the University of California.

"She must be worth it, if you're giving up Harvard for her," Mrs. Benson says.

Freddie nods. "She is."

* * *

"I love you," He tells her, planting a kiss on her forehead.

She rolls her eyes, "You said that already,"

Freddie shrugs, "It's true."

"Doesn't mean you have to say it all the time," Sam groans.

"Are we going to argue about saying I love you now?" Freddie chuckles.

"We're not arguing."

"We are."

"We're not"

"We are"

"We're not."

"We are."

"We're not."

"We are."

"We're not."

"We are."

* * *

End.

=)


End file.
